


The Ballerina

by MilosWorld



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cancer, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-13 18:49:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16898016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilosWorld/pseuds/MilosWorld
Summary: Nyla has always wanted to be a ballerina, but her dreams were cut off early when she was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. Her family tries their hardest and seems perfect on the outside, but could there be hidden problems tangled in with their perfect facade?





	1. The beginning

They told me I couldn't ever be a ballerina. The only thing I had ever wanted to really do was being shot down. All because I had been diagnosed with cancer. My lungs were weak, and my parents thought dancing would only make them worse. I couldn't imagine at the age of 11 that they could, or would get any worse. Oh they got worse, they got so much worse. One night I woke up and couldn't breathe. It was terrifying. I tried screaming for my mom, but all that came through was a terrified squeak. My dad rushed in, picking me up and calling 911. I was rushed to the hospital and they got the liquid out of my lungs. My parents kept me on lock down, so I couldn't dance when they weren't home. I thought I was going to die that night. And it brought to me a determination i never knew I could have in my frail state. Once I hit the age of 15 I went back to a normal school. I couldn't climb the stairs or do P.E. like the other kids and I was bullied because of it. I don't blame them they didn't know what I was going through. How could they have?

My brain worked fine, despite all the pain that soared through it. I could keep up with the other kids in my studies, and in some subjects I was top of my class. One day, while I was in my junior year of high school they integrated ballet into our school. My heart skipped a beat as I got in the car with my mom. On our way home I took a breath and turned to my mom. “Mom, can I ask you something?” I had asked her. She nodded, focusing on the road.

“There's a ballet class at my school… and I was wondering if.. for my birthday… I could maybe….” I paused, biting my lip. “Nyla….. you know your lungs aren't strong enough to do that.” My mom started, sighing. “Can't I at least try out? If I can't do it I won't. If I don't get in I won't. Please mom?” My mom knew this was everything I had wanted since I was little. She looked at me through the mirror, taking another deep breath. She shook head. “Only if you promise me that you will be careful. If you can not do it I want you to call me and I will come get you.” She said, finally arriving at home. “Thank you.” I said as she came around to help me get out of the car. I sighed as she helped me in. I could walk fine, sometimes she treated me as if I was dying. I knew she was worried, but it still frustrated me at times. Once we were inside, I made my way to my bedroom. It was the only bedroom on the first floor. My mom gave me it from the beginning, only now was I grateful for it. I closed my door, throwing my backpack on my bed. I looked around, staring at my window, the curtains were open and light was shining through from the afternoon sun. I just wanted to run around, to frolic in the grass like all the other kids, without having to worrying about dropping dead at any second because of lack of air.

The cancer had held me back from so many things I had wanted to do all my life. It was everywhere in my body, however it seemed to affect my lungs the worst. I couldn’t run, or dance, sing, talk, walk… anything without seeming to quickly be out of breath. I had become the quiet kid in class, only because I could not say much at a time. And quite frankly I didn’t want to. If I could talk for longer all it would be from everyone is “Does it hurt?” “Why do you carry around that big bag with that canister thing in it?” “Are you dying?” I rolled my eyes at the thought, laying on my bed for a moment, moving my eyes to stare at the ceiling. Yes. It hurts. More than anyone could imagine. I carry the stupid bag around so I can breathe with all these stairs and such in this damn school. And yes. I am dying, I mean who isn’t? I’m just dying a bit faster than everyone else. I sat up, hearing the front door open, the sound of my dad’s boots moving against the floor towards my room. Slowly the door opened, my dad peering in, probably to be as quiet as he could in case I had fallen asleep.

“Hey Bug, I’m home.” He stated, coming in my room halfway. He had called me Bug since I was little. I had been a ladybug for Halloween the first time I had a costume and it just kind of stuck. ”Hey dad. How was work today? Did you see any cool animals?” He laughed a bit, coming into my room completely, sitting down on the end of my bed. “Well. Work was… productive. I got a promotion today so we can afford that telescope you wanted for your birthday now.” He said, winking at me. I stuck my tongue out at him. I had asked for a telescope every birthday since I was five. It only took him eleven years to actually want to get it. “And I saw quite a few cool animals today. There was a fish that glows in the dark, I don’t remember what it was called but I saw it. And they brought a bear in, quite a tame one too. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, just wanted his mate and cubs. They had been separated down by a river bank. It was the saddest thing too.” He said. I loved my father’s voice, It was smooth and seemed to have a really easy time calming me when I would freak out despite the heavy Irish accent that it was laced with. I smiled at him, saddened that I would never be able to tell stories to my kids some day, and if I did they would be short and almost impossible to understand through my own heavy Irish accent.

“Did you see any birds?” I asked quietly. I had loved birds as long as I could remember, their chirping and singing always made me feel better when I was having a rough day. Those days I didn’t mind not being able to escape my bed, I was okay with being trapped with the singing of the birds. He nodded, smiling a bit at me. “There was a cardinal we found, stuck in a tree. His leg had gotten trapped in a string from one of those kites. He is alright now, we have him safe at the medic shelter. The bird is quite well trained. They said we could take him home after he is healed if you want to keep him as a pet. Take it as a birthday present from my boss.” He said, standing up finally. He stretched, looking around my room. “We still have the cage from your last bird we could use. I have just the spot to put it too.” He smiled, walking out of my room.

I decided I would remain in my room for a little longer, staring at the ceiling like I normally did when I got home from school. It had been a long day and I was excited to have a new pet before my next birthday. I finally sat up, looking over at my closet where I had hid it when my last bird, a pretty parrot I had named Blue, had flew off and been eaten by the neighbor dog. I remember being so upset when I heard the news of my bird. It was so long ago that by this point I could just smile, remembering the fond moments with my old bird. This time I would make sure to close the window when I went to feed this one. I slid off my bed carefully, opening the closet to reveal a cage that would be perfect size for this cardinal. I couldn’t help but wonder what I should name it, and if it would actually like me.

Suddenly my mom walked in, carrying a plate of food. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to eat in here or if you were okay to come out to the table.” She said, watching me as I made my way to the door slowly. “I want to come eat with you both.” I stated, my mom looking at me with the usual worried look she had on her face. “I’m fine mom, I promise.” I said, rolling my air with me, following her as she placed my food down on the table, sitting across from both of my parents. I liked how our table was set up, it was nothing fancy, just a round table enough for the three of us. It was nice for when we all wanted to talk, we could easily look at the one person talking. I smiled at them, sitting down before both of my parents went into the kitchen, getting themselves a plate before joining me.

Life was not always this simple for us, so I wanted to cherish the moments like these, where I could sit and eat without having to stop, and go to the emergency room, again. My mom and dad talked, like usual, catching up on how Dad’s day was and what mom did while I was at school. I just sat in silence, listening and absorbing their voices as long as I could. “Oh, and I’m letting Nyla try out for Ballet.” Mom had said, my dad setting his fork down, staring my mom down for a moment. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” He asked, more aggressive than I had ever heard him be before. I’m sure he didn’t mean it, he was probably just scared.

“Jason we can’t keep her locked up here forever, She promised that if she couldn’t do it she would call, or text me, and I would pick her up. She’s just going to try out and if she doesn’t get in, then that settles it.” My mom stated, there was no changing her mind on this one, If I had asked her earlier it would have been a no for sure. “If she gets hurt..” He started, his fist clenching on the table. “Dad…” I piped up. “I really, really want to do this.” I said, pleading with him. “I promise If I don’t get in I’ll stop trying. And if I can’t I won’t.” I took another bite of my food, letting my words sink in. “Please?” I knew I could soften my dad up, he always did what he could to make me happy, suddenly he sighed, picking his own fork back up. “Fine.” He grumbled, chewing his food aggressively.

“Thanks dad.” I said softly, his facial expressions softening at the sound of my voice. “Yeah.. alright, You’re welcome.” I had finished my food by now, and really wasn’t sure if I should give them some time, or stay. I settled on letting them talk it out, and left the table to put my dish in the sink. Slowly, I made my way back to my room, my parents sitting in silence until I closed my door, their voices then flowing freely when they thought I couldn’t hear them.

They were arguing, about me of course. Whenever mom and dad argued these days it was about me and what they thought was best for me. I could see it tearing them apart, the constant tension over wanting to keep me safe, and wanting to keep me happy. I don’t know why they bothered honestly, I was going to die no matter what they did to keep it from happening, be it from this cancer, which was more likely, or old age, everything had to come to an end eventually. Why not just let me live whatever life I had to live now? I laid down, the sound of voices and slamming cabinets coming from the kitchen where I had been not even fifteen minutes ago now. I could tell dad was upset… but this was something else. I listened for a few moments more, and then drifted off. I wasn’t sure how much longer this was going to last, but I hoped they would make up soon.


	2. A life falling apart

Glass shattering was what woke me the next morning. It was around three in the morning, I had fallen asleep to the sounds of my parents arguing and hoped that in the morning it would be over. I took a moment before getting out of my bed, caring the air tank that sustained me behind wherever I walked. I paused at my door, wondering if I really wanted to know what was happening out there at this time. I hoped it wasn’t my parents fighting, but if it wasn’t them…

There was another crash, more glass breaking. I decided it was my job to go out there, this feeble, frail, cancer filled fifteen year old body of mine, dragging my door open to reveal my parents, my mom holding onto my dad, who was quite obviously drunk, begging him to come to bed. When he had left, I had no idea, but it was obvious he had been out for a while. He was a mess, his eyes glazed over with hours of drinking. “...” I stood in silence in my doorway, my father had always been a wonderful man, never drunk or smoked (At least to my knowledge), I had never seen him like this before and it scared me.

“Nyla, honey, please go back to bed, your father is just having a rough night is all.” My mom said, trying to avoid eye contact with me. There was the sound of dripping coming from their direction, and like the stupid kid I was, I went closer. “Nyla! I said now!” My mother screamed at me, staring me in the face, her own face bruised and battered, presumably from fighting my father to get him into the room. I couldn’t move, I shouldn’t. Another glass broke, my dad picking it up and hurling it across the room. “You stupid bitch.” He slurred, falling to the floor. “You think you can get away with doing this to me?” He screamed, lunging at her, my mom barely missing his grasp.

“Dad?..” I asked, as loud as I could. It made him stop, turning to look at me, his withered child, seeing him as he was for the first time. “Nyla! I said to go to your room!’ Mom screamed again, making her way over to me, grabbing me and dragging me to my bedroom. “Wh..” I started, my mom cutting me off. “No questions. Just go to bed Nyl. Please, I’ll get this taken care of.” She whispered, pulling a small chunk of glass out of her arm. She closed the door behind her, leaving me in the darkness of my room. I decided it was best for me to sleep… If I stayed awake maybe he would come in here throwing cups at me… I couldn’t handle that. I curled up into my bed, hoping that this was all just a dream.

A few hours later I woke again, this time around 8 am, luckily it was the weekend and I didn’t have to go anywhere today. I laid in bed for a moment longer, trying to assess what I had seen the night before, My mom, beaten and bruised, trying her hardest to get my dad, who was drunk beyond anything I had ever seen, back to their room, presumably so he could sleep, or at least not disturb me. In the back of my head I knew it was real, even when the rest of my being wanted it to be a dream. I got up, put my clothes on, and left my room.

I moved slower than usual, I didn’t want to see the damage of last night, have the memories replay in my head. I loved my parents… But after last night I couldn’t help but be a little scared. My mom was in the kitchen, like she was every morning when I woke up, preparing breakfast for me and her. Dad was usually at work, but today he was seated at the table, dressed in his best, waiting on food before he went in. “Good morning Nyl.” Mom said, scrambling around the kitchen, placing a glass of water beside my dad, visibly flinching when he went to grab it. ‘What do you want for breakfast sweetheart?” She asked, she sounded the same. Like she always did when I was home.

“I’m not hungry.” I said softly, making my way into the living room, sitting on the couch in silence. It was never this quiet around my house. Mom and dad were always having a conversation about something. But this morning they weren’t. “Hey. Bug.” I heard my dad say, I didn’t notice he had moved, and was standing in the middle of the doorway to the living room. “I, last night.” He started, my mother entering the room, she was definitely bruised, but she had tried her best to cover it in what must have been pounds of make-up. “Me and your father have decided that we are going to live apart, just for now. I think it’s for the best.” She said, not daring to make eye contact with me or him.

“Because of me?” I asked, more aggressively than I meant to. “I know that fight last night was because of me, because we are barely getting by. If I cause that much tension and stress, why not send me off?” I asked, I was angry, Before I had been diagnosed my family was wonderful, we did everything together, my mom and dad loved each other… “No, No… Honey..” My dad said, moving closer to me. “It’s not your fault, your father’s drinking addiction has been and ongoing thing since before you were born…” My mom explained, as if telling me any of this was going to make me feel better about the situation, As if it was going to help my relationship with my dad.

It would never be the way it was. My dad had gotten out of control, and hurt my mother. I would never really forgive him for that, and I hoped that when I died he suffered, and that my mom stayed away from him, at least as long as he had a problem. “And, well, since you are going to be 16 in a few days… We will have to go to court… And settle who you will live with.” My dad said, looking at me and then back at my mom. I already knew who I would be living with… My mom was the obvious answer… Which meant I would have to leave my home and everything I knew to go live where she wanted to.

The case was settled before my birthday, A day before, and we moved into our new home across the country that day. I would have to start a new school, and a new life the day before I turned 16, The time that most kids would be getting a car, and their license, I was dealing with my parents officially splitting up. As if I needed more to deal with. My father was imprisoned that day, they found him guilty of several counts of abuse, apparently thing went on a lot longer than I had realized. He was sentenced to ten years… I was allowed no contact with him for at least two of those years, until I turned 18.

My life went upside down and Topsy turvy all because of one night. And I never did get to try out to be a ballerina at my old school. That wasn’t going to stop me though. My mom was out most days, working to keep us alive, to pay my hospital bills and feed us. I felt awful that I couldn’t help, and wished at times she would just put me into a hospital so she wouldn’t have to worry anymore. Of course she refused, and we tried our hardest to make due with what we had.


End file.
